Split Decisions

Separate bank accounts in marriage and deciding how money gets spent.

Everyone's favorite topic, right?! Money.

Two common thoughts come up first for most people when talking about money in marriage. One is that they have it all figured out, and everything is fine with how their money is handled. And two is, nope, I don't want to listen, this is not for me today, I'm walking away now.

Now don't leave yet, because regardless of which camp (if either) you fall into, there is something for you here. Maybe you'll come to the end of this and find out what you're doing is working – wouldn't that be great?

A common pitfall that Christian couples run into is that they have separate bank accounts before marriage and leave them that way after marriage. They join together in holy matrimony, and yet their bank accounts never cleave to each other.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Gen2:24

Separate bank accounts plant the seeds for future problems, especially problematic mindsets.

Keeping things separate can, over time, breed a sense of false authority in the person making the more considerable income. Being blessed in your work with a good income is not a reason for someone to have more significant sway in financial decisions or control. Is your spouse a partner you're building a life with while walking with God? Or are they an employee that only has a marginal say in your household?

Keeping accounts separate can quickly breed trust issues. Suppose you don't have visibility into that person's actions financially. In that case, there can be opportunities for foul play, like gambling, pornography, and other sinful spending, without the notice of the other person. Also, the temptation can quickly arise, even in the most sexually pure of relationships, to begin buying things and spending extra income on things that are more selfish in nature and potentially harmful.

You may struggle with emotional eating, and your separate bank account allows you to go out and eat in secret. The options are nearly endless, so I won't unpack them all, but take a moment and think about what kind of harm or destruction could come if you had a pool of money your spouse couldn't see and the influence of the devil was slicker than you realized….think about it.

Super practically – it is much harder to plan and execute joint financial goals if you're not open and together with your money.

Paying off debts (staying out of debt!), saving up for a down payment or making important investment decisions are less complicated, less tedious, and smooth when you're money is in the same place.

Now let's talk about how you can work together with your money.

1.) Destroy the idea that one spouse is more significant or has more "say-so" because of income levels or provisions.

The Bible says that a house divided against itself will fall. Check-in with one another every week and see how the budget stands. What areas could be improved in the week ahead? What things went well this week? Find time to celebrate the small wins and take a beat to learn where the two of you have more growing to do.

2.) To that point - Get a budget! Use the budget, and work together to plan and map out your goals.

Many issues can arise when only one person views the budget. While you may be making decisions together, if you don't both have a clear view of where you stand each day and each month, then one person can end up carrying the burden of their finances, and honestly, it is usually the woman. We receive a great sense of security from knowing our money is in order. If it's not in order, let us not leave that burden to one person. Better yet – give that burden to Jesus.

3.) Be ready for MORE.

You have to show that you're responsible with the little before you get the more. Before you got married, there was a level of trust God gave you with wealth and resources. Now that you are one flesh with another person, He wants to bless you and give you more! But I believe there is a limitation you are putting on yourself if you keep those finances separate. When God sees that you can come together and work together with your money (really, His money) and you can learn how to steward that together, He can bless you with more. More significant increase comes to those that He trusts to manage it well!

In closing, I want to make the caveat that if you and your spouse have a joint budget, you have joint bank accounts, trust, and open, clear communication... I have seen couples successfully have separate bank accounts ONLY for an allowance or saving for gifts for one another. That money, however, has already been budgeted and is IN THE BUDGET. Did I mention it was accounted for in the budget? It's important. Even here, I have seen couples fight and disagree on how they have spent that money even though they agreed on the amounts and everything – so be careful. If you have hurt or trust issues in this area, I would not test the waters with a situation like this.

Come together, trust in the Lord with your finances, and watch Him bless you and work miracles in your life.

Praise Him!